Irish and Pureblood
by The Voices in Our Heads
Summary: Artemis Fowl and Harry Potter crossover. Draco and Artemis meet; what will be the consequences from this heinous act. (lol I'm not very good at summaries)
1. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

**Disclaimer: I/We own none of this. It is the awful truth. Well not awful... aw, never mind.**

**Author's note: This story is a collaboration between me, ArieiDelmonte, and Luny, luny teen. It is a very soft R and probably will not get worse cause Luny yells at me when I get dirty. hehehe. The chapter title has something to do with the people in the chapter. If you want to know you'll have to wait until the third chapter! And now, onto Irish and Pureblood.**

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Chapter one: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Head Boy Draco Malfoy sat leaning back in his leather chair; his feet up on the solid oak desk. He was watching his new toy, his computer. His father had let him purchase one and he had gladly accepted the money to do so. Draco was not against everything muggle as people thought. He had gotten on the Internet once when stranded in muggle London. He had gotten an email account and quickly hooked-up with some girls. Well... "hooked-up" wouldn't really be the correct term to use. He had gotten what he wanted out of them and never spoken to them again. He was currently waiting for one of said girls to email him back when Head Girl Hermione Granger walked into their common room.

"What are you doing, Malfoy?" she asked, with a little curiosity in her voice.

"What does it matter to you, Granger?" he said back, smirking at her. Hermione walked over and sat on the edge of the desk. They had become friends (with benefits) over the year, having to share a common room and all.

"I'm having Harry and Ron over for some study time. Just thought I'd warn you." she said with a laugh in her voice. Draco pulled her onto his lap, his arms around her. He planted kisses on her collarbone.

"Are you really going to study, hmm?" asked Draco between kisses. Hermione laid a kiss on his forehead and pushed him away.

"Yes. Contrary to popular belief, we are not like that. Only me and you, Malfoy." Hermione explained. There was a knock at the door and Hermione left Draco's lap to answer it. Draco leaned farther back, listening. He couldn't hear anything and suddenly tipped over, much to his embarrassment, in front of the trio.

"Have a nice trip, Malfoy?" asked Harry sarcastically.

"See ya next fall, Malfoy." said Ron. Hermione tried to hide a smile, but her eyes were twinkling with merriment.

"We are going to be in my room studying, Malfoy, if you need anything." Hermione said. She pointed out her room to Harry and Ron. They walked into her room and Draco pinched Hermione's behind. She squealed quietly before turning around.

"Malfoy, I don't want any of that while Harry and Ron are here."

"And why not? Right after they leave, then?" Draco smirked at her. She rolled her eyes, and leaned down to kiss him, giving him a nice view. Hermione kiss his lips lightly as a reply. She walked away from him swishing her hips and closed the door of her bedroom. Draco licked his lips and went to go after her, but his computer beeped.

He got back up on his chair and clicked on his inbox. There was a letter telling him that his informants had found a muggle who had plenty of money and might be willing to talk to him. Draco smirked. _A muggle. Ha! I can get all of his money and then some. This'll be so easy._

Draco walked over to his couch and slumbered until he heard some shouting coming from Hermione's room. It was Hermione.

"That would not be good at all! Plus, is it safe to touch the baby with a feather? Where did you get the feather from? Is the feather still attached to the bird? What kind of bird? Is it a parrot? THE PARROTS CLAWS COULD HURT THE BABY, RONALD! YOU IDIOT!"

Draco chuckled and walked back over to his computer. He sat down and proceeded to write an email to this certain muggle. His email went like this:

_Dear Mister Artemis Fowl,_

_I would like to talk with you. If we could arrange a time when that would be acceptable when we could both have plenty of time that would be wonderful. I look forward to talking to you soon. _

_Mister D. Malfoy_

Draco sent the email and walked to his room. He smoothed out his bed covers and got out his edible lotions. He walked over to his mirror and fixed his hair. He got undressed and lathered himself up in his favorite lotion; the one he knew Hermione liked and flopped down on his bed. Putting a light satin sheet on top of him, he snuggled down into his sheets and awaited the time when Hermione would get done "studying" and come to him. He smiled and fell into a light sleep.

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**A/N: When Hermone shouts comes from a book. A very funny book, but I can't remember what it's called. Luny will probably tell you and yell at me. Yep.**

**You'll notice next chapter that it's much cleaner... I have a dirty mind and it shows through. Luny also has a dirty mind (maybe not as dirty as mine) but it doesn't show through as much. Hehehehe. Anyway, please R&R. I would love you for it... unless you don't want me to love you for it. :D**


	2. Romeo and Juliet

**Disclamier- we/i don't own anything form artemis fowl or harry potter or the year of secret assignments.**

**well now i have to yell at Ariei cuz she says i will. hehe. Ariei u stupid!! the book that u quoted from that Hermione shouts is The Year of Secret Assignments. which is a very good book, and u never finished it did u? anyway u other people,i'm srry but Ariei is an idiot. i also quoted the same book she did, and i probably will a lot. i don't need to yell at Ariei for the chapter cuz i've already done that. :). **

**no here i would normally respond to the reveiws here, but first of that wouldbe weird because Ariei wrote the last chapter, i take no responibility for anything she wrote, trust me you don't want to know. secondly the only reveiw was me and that would just be stupid. Ariei, u idiot!! udidn't get any reviews!! u suck!!!! jk. don't hurt me. **

**o, u guys, if anyone is reading this, u don't have to wait till chapter 3 to know what the title means. i think that she is refering to the character in this chapter (Artemis) and her character (Draco). but then again she did name it and maybe i should let her explain. oh yeah and she did name my chapter cuz i couldn't think of anything.**

**hey this is kind of a fast update. don't expect all the updates to be this quick!!**

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Chapter Two: Romeo and Juliet

Artemis steepled his fingers together as he read the e-mail.

_Dear Mister Artemis Fowl,_

_I would like to talk with you. If we could arrange a time when that would be acceptable when we could both have plenty of time that would be wonderful. I look forward to talking to you soon._

_Mister D. Malfoy_

Artemis was now seventeen. A year ago Mulch had mailed Artemis the gold plated disk; out of curiosity Artemis had read it, and as a result regained his memory. He thought, however, that perhaps he should leave the People alone for a couple of years. However, he wasn't of course going to sit idle. Despite his father's attempts to make him a hero, Artemis was still a criminal who believed in the Fowl motto, Gold is Power.

In pretty much the same way he had stumbled across the People, he stumbled across another hidden world, the wizarding world. There wasn't a lot about witches and wizards online, it seemed that they didn't use the Internet and technology as did the fairy people. However, after a while he had run across a girl who said she could help Artemis contact a wizard. The particular wizard that she knew had plenty of money she said. Artemis told her to have this wizard contact him and he would give her a sum of money. She nodded and said she'd tell Draco to contact him. He wondered for a second whether he should trust her, from when he talked to her he seemed to get the impression that her and this "Draco" were more than just associates, but she had denied it.

_Dear Mister Draco Malfoy,_

_I would be pleased to talk to you. How soon would you like to meet? Perhaps would next weekend work for you? If not, then give me a date and, I could assure that I am free for that day. Where would you like to meet?_

_Mister Artemis Fowl II_

The e-mail was as short and to the point as Draco's had been. Artemis thought for a second, yes he could quite easily get out of school or any other activity on any particular day.

"Domovoi, Juliet, I would like to talk to you." Artemis called through the house intercom. "I am going to meet with a supposed wizard, I would like one of you to come with me," Artemis said with a look at Juliet, they had become very, well, close lately, "or both of you, perhaps."

"We will both go with you." Domovoi answered quickly, catching the look on Artemis's face. He didn't approve of their relationship at all; though technically it couldn't really be considered a relationship since they weren't going out, just an occasional make out.

Artemis nodded. "I will inform you when I figure out when and where it will be."

"Is that all?" Juliet asked.

"Yes you can go now if you feel like it."

Domovoi stood up and held the door open for his sister. She sighed, stood up and walked out.

Artemis then emailed the girl, telling her that he appreciated having Draco contact him, and once he was assured that he was truly a wizard he would send her the money. He flipped off the computer and started downstairs to see if dinner was about ready, of course if it wasn't Juliet would give him something to eat.

"How's my little Arty doing?" Angeline said and she crossed Artemis's path and kissed his cheek.

"Mo-om, I'm not little anymore." Artemis whined looking down at his mother and wiping off the kiss.

"You certainly aren't," Angeline looked up at her son who now towered over her. "I just glad to have you home, I haven't seen you in a while."

Artemis had come home for his school's holiday, something about the founder of the school's birthday or something like that, so they had a three-day weekend. Artemis had to admit he was glad for a while away from St. Bartebley's Private School for Boys. He had kept forgetting to go to some of his classes last year and now they were getting all weird about attendance. Artemis didn't see why he had to go to the classes, he already knew all of the stuff and was bored out of his mind, though he had become quite apt at origami and paper airplanes.

Artemis walked into the kitchen to see Juliet working over the stove.

"Can you get me anything to eat right now? I'm kind of hungry." Artemis said sneaking up behind her and leaning over to see what she was cooking.

"Oh and what do you want?" Juliet answered turning around and meeting Artemis's lips with her own as her mutely answered he question.

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**.hey peole reveiw now!! i mean i was the only one who reveiwed for last chapter!!! Ariei doesn't suck that bad does she? yes Ariei has a dirty mind, mine is also dirty, true probably not as much and i don't like to dvertise mine because my dad goes through all of my stuff and if he ever got his hands on this story he wuld kill me.**


	3. Emails

Chapter 3: Blondes Are Sexy

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Draco trudged up to the common room. He reached the portrait of the first Head Boy and Girl.

"Blondes are sexy." He smiled tiredly. The password had been his idea, obviously. The portrait swung open to reveal Hermione sitting at his computer. "Hermione! What are you doing on my computer?" he asked. The girl in question hurriedly stood up and walked over to him.

"Draco, darling, I've missed you," she said giving him a kiss. "But I must go. Good-bye!"

Draco watched her retreating form from the common room door portrait hole and noticed that she was wearing a diamond bracelet that he had never seen before. _Where did she get that?_ Draco shrugged. _Oh well_.

He sat down at his computer and clicked to see if he had mail. He did. It was from Artemis. _Next weekend? Isn't that a Hogsmeade weekend? I'm sure I could get out of Hogsmeade and if not I could always get Lucius to excuse me. That's only if worst comes to worst, though_.

Draco sat back in his chair. What if this was just a set-up by Potter and Weasel? What if Artemis was really his father or someone he knew? Draco shook his head and scowled. _Better sorry than safe, I always say._ He typed up his reply.

Artemis,

That weekend would be great. I'm sure that I can meet you. Where would you like to meet? I propose somewhere in London. You choose the place. What time would you like to meet? In the afternoon sometime would work best for me. I look forward to meeting you.

D. Malfoy

Draco sent the message and smiled. It was perfect. Artemis was going to be easy to get money from. He could just imagine it now, all that money rolling into his bank account. His large, large bank account, his Malfoy bank account. He didn't know how he was going to do it just yet, but he was sure to come up with a plan sooner or later… preferably sooner.

Draco got up and walked over to the couch. Who was his 'date' for tonight? Wasn't it Pansy? Maybe it was that one Patil girl, the hot one in Ravenclaw. What was her name again?

He flopped down on said couch. Yeah, it was that Patil girl. And Granger, of course, but she always came later; a great end to a good day. Oh, he rued the day he had started making fun of Hermione. He loved the day he had run into a horny Granger. She had pulled him into a broom closet and kissed him violently.

Draco, though surprised, was not going to let this chance pass him by and responded in the same way. After they had gotten off, they lay at the bottom of the closet discovering they had very much in common. They vowed never to fight again and became… well, friends. It had been very weird for Draco to make love to Hermione, but he had enjoyed it immensely. They tried to get together every night; it had worked out great.

Draco sighed. _What am I going to do until my 'date'? I know. I'll go find Potty and Weasel. I'm sure they could use some 'anger management'._

Draco jumped off the couch and sauntered over to the portrait hole. He opened it to come face to face with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

"What are you doing here, Potty?" Draco asked. "Granger isn't here."

"We came to talk to you, actually," Harry said calmly. Draco was surprised. What could they possibly have to talk about?

"What do we have to talk about?"

"Hermione."

Draco wrinkled his forehead slightly. "What about Granger?" The Dynamic Duo knew about Hermione and Draco's relationship, so it probably wasn't about that.

Ron stepped forward. "Can we come in?" He pushed his way into the common room. Harry followed Ron in. Draco sneered at them.

"Well come right in," he said sarcastically.

The three of them sat on the couches and stared at each other for a couple of minutes.

Harry cleared his throat. "So about Hermione… Did you buy her that bracelet?"

"Hell no, Potty." So that was what this was about. "That cheap thing? If I was going to buy her something like that, it would be much more expensive-looking. It probably wasn't even real," Draco replied.

"What are you doing to her, Malfoy?" Ron shouted standing up.

"Can you restrain your lap dog, Potter?"

Harry grabbed the back of Ron's robes and pulled him back onto the couch.

"Thank you. For your information, Weasel, I'm not doing anything to her. She's doing everything to me and does she do it well."

Harry and Ron blushed crimson. They may have known, but that doesn't mean they wanted details. "Well, as long as you're not hurting her, I guess we'll leave." Harry stood up.

"But we're going to talk to Hermione about this!" Ron yelled as he and Harry were leaving. Draco shut the door in their faces.

"Good, you do that." He walked back over to the couch and lounged out completely forgetting his recent Potty encounter. _I can't wait until I am rolling in Artemis's money. That will be great._

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_Disclaimer: We own nothing._

**A/N: Sorry for not updating this for like… well forever, but I really don't have the next chapter. I tried to make this one longer while still keeping most of what I had written before. I hope you like the longer version better. Luny told me (recently) that she is going to finish the 4th chappy… uh… soon… so look for that. Please review. It's the best thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that… :D**


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